Viewing posts from May, 2015
Earlier today I had a miscarriage. For the past week I've been non stop cramping, and spotting here and there. I didn't really think much of it. Then last night I noticed bright red blood and a few clots....so I thought, yikes, this doesn't look good. Then I did what anyone else would do....I immediately googled it. I've never had a miscarriage before, so I didn't know what to expect or what it would be like. Does it hurt? Is it supposed to make me emotionally unstable? Would I need surgery? Does the surgery hurt? Do I have to go to the hospital? Google didn't help me much. I basically just read a bunch of online mommy forums with moms complaining of the same symptoms and other moms advising them to go to the hospital. So then I just watched an episode of Tru Blood and then went to bed (did you know I'm obsessed with vampire shows? I'm such a teenager).
I woke up at 5 am to go to the bathroom this morning and noticed more blood that was bright red and more blood clots. Then I thought, ok, I'm definitely miscarrying, but I'm still tired. So I went back to bed.
Then a few hours later I woke up and noticed even more bleeding. So then we called the doctor. She said it's nothing to worry about unless the bleeding is as heavy as period blood, but that we can go to the hospital if we want. About an hour later, the bleeding increased, and I had begun to cramp really bad. Then we thought, ok, we should probably go to the hospital now.
So my mom comes over to babysit the kids and we go to Fairfax Hospital. While waiting in the ER I was in excrutiating pain. My cramps were so bad that I squeezed Salar's hand till it turned blue.
At the hospital, they put an IV in and had me pee in a cup. At this point I was bleeding heavily, and it was getting all over my blankets and gown. So gross and so messy. They took my vitals and offered me some morphine. I said no thank you to the morphine, and off I went for an ultrasound. While having an ultrasound, the technician said she couldn't tell me what she sees, and that the doctor will come talk to us about the results afterwards. They started with a regular ultrasound, and then they did a transvaginal ultrasound. It was really uncomfortable and hurt at times too. Then the doctor came, and had to do another transvaginal ultrasound because there was something they couldn't see clearly. The doctor then said that there was nothing in the uterus, and it looks like it's an early pregnancy that went wrong. He told us that there is a sac that looks like it's on it's way out.
I then was wheeled back to my room in the ER when they told me that my blood tests came back positive for pregnancy, and that my HCG level was around 480. The ER doctor then performed a cervical exam and told me that because the cervix is still closed, I could still be pregnant, and that it's a "threatened miscarriage" which meant that there was a 50% chance of it being a miscarriage.
At this point I was annoyed. The radiologist said there wasn't anything there, and the ER doctor was telling me they're not completely sure. Then they conferred with another doctor and said it's most likely a miscarriage. They told me that my body is in the process of expelling the sac, and the cramps and blood clots are the start of it. They said this will probably continue for a few days, and recommended that I see my OBGYN in a few days time so that they can confirm that the miscarriage happened with no complications.Then they took out my IV, gave me discharge paperwork and sent us off. They said to take Tylenol on a need to basis and to rest a lot.
A part of me feels like everyone was tiptoeing around the word miscarriage, like it's some sinister word that sends alarm bells off and will turn the expecting mother into a devastated weeping frenzy. All the medical professionals were really gentle and were constantly telling me how sorry they were and asking me if I was okay. The truth of it- was that I was perfectly fine. I didn't cry, or even shed a tear. Why? Maybe because it was my third pregnancy and because I already have two kids at home. Had it been my first pregnancy, maybe I would have felt a bigger loss. It probably would have been a bigger blow, and would have probably had me wondering if my body works like it's supposed to or if there's something wrong with me. Also- maybe I wasn't that affected because it was so early in the pregnancy. Had I been past the first trimester and expelled a fetus that looked like a small person I probably would have freaked out.
I can't imagine what it would have been like to have a full term baby miscarriage, and have to pick out a baby coffin. THAT would have been traumatic. But expelling some blood clots here and there didn't send me over the edge. In fact, I feel like it's a normal thing. It's a natural process. My body was simple expelling a botched embryo. Maybe it didn't have the correct chromosomes, and maybe it would have turned out severly disabled had it survived. I feel like it's kind of similar to having food poisoning. Your body is getting rid of something that isn't right and that shouldn't be there. Does what I'm saying make sense? Do you get it?
Anyways, I thought I'd share as not many people discuss miscarriage and many think it's something to be ashamed of. I feel like there's absolutely no reason to be ashamed of it and that it's a completely natural thing that sometimes happens.
Sunset Crest Manor is an amazing wedding venue located in Northern VA. We chose this location for our wedding based on 3 factors: 1) It was GORGEOUS! 2) It had the capacity for over 250 people and 3) It was GORGEOUS!!!
Did I mention it was gorgeous??
Anyways, it made for great pictures. The staff were great to work with and helpful.
Words cannot describe it....so instead I'll post a bunch of before and after shots:
Our ceremony area before:
Our ceremony area after:
Our reception was held in tents that were put up outside the barn.
Reception area before:
Our reception area after:
Yesterday was our three year wedding anniversary. We celebrated by going to my favorite restaurant, (other than Cafe Renaissance) Mastros! They have just opened this month in DC and I have been over the moon ecstatic about it. We used to go to Mastros in California (in OC and LA) whenever we visited, and I would devour their famous butter cake, which is the best thing in this world that I have ever tasted. I seriously think they put crack in it.
Can you tell I'm obsessed with butter cake? (And no, Mastros is not paying me for this post.)
Anyways, I cannot believe it's been three years already. I feel like our wedding was just yesterday. Where does time go? Sometimes I really miss those days. We call them the AMEX days (because we would put everything on the no-limit amex card). Those days before we had kids, where neither of us worked and we woke up at noon every day. We would be relaxed all the time. In the afternoons we would go visit my mom at Cafe Renaissance and chat over capuccino and lunch. Then we would go do something fun in the afternoon and then at nights we would go fine dining and then watch back to back episodes of 24 until we fell asleep. Most weekends we would travel. We traveled so much that I actually got sick of traveling. What I wouldn't do right now to travel....to have those days back. To be whisked off to some exotic destination. Now going to Target is a luxury. Don't get me wrong I love having kids, but I really do miss that relaxing and lavish lifestyle. It was then that my husband nicknamed me "foofool." It means something along the lines of spoiled in Persian. I also miss being thin and shopping for clothes, but you know all about that.
So as I'm reminiscing and thinking back to my wonderful wedding and the events surrounding it...I can't help but remember something that REALLY bothered me about my wedding. It has to do with a guest that I'm embarrassed to call my family member. I won't name him out of respect for his daughter, but I will shame him.
What did this guest do? I had no idea of what he did until after the wedding. Apparently some guests from the grooms side of the family asked us if anyone had gotten hurt after the wedding, because they had seen a bad car accident close to our venue while on the way home. So then we got worried and asked around to see if anyone else had seen the crash and if they were our guests. Well apparently, a few of my friends saw it and they were crazy shocked.
What I was told by multiple people, was that this guest had gotten into a fight with his girlfriend outside of their car at our venue. Apparently he was really angry and abusive and was hitting his girlfriend and yelling and shouting. And to think he had a young daughter who was there as well. #badparenting.
Anyways, so after his tantrum, he got in the car with his girlfriend (he left his daughter behind with his sister and parents....thank god) and he wanted to drive off, but there was a truck or something blocking his way. There was a parking assistant who was directing traffic, and telling him to drive a certain way around the truck. He then apparently speeds toward this assistant, HITS HIM WITH HIS CAR, as the assistant tries to jump out of the way, and speeds off over the grass and flowers and bushes. Oh and also hits the fence of the venue and causes damage. And then not far from the venue he totals his car.
WHO DOES THIS??? Apparently someone with anger issues. He needs to take a class or something. Learn some better coping mechanisms.
So what happens next? On our way to Europe for our month long honeymoon....I get a sorry @$$ facebook message with him saying he is sorry but that it was basically the girlfriends fault because she was jealous of him dancing and having a good time. WHAT? Are you serious? You cannot be serious to blame the girlfriend. I don't care if she was the biggest psycho you have ever dated in your life! That is NO excuse for your actions! Have some accountability!
Two months later, we met with our venue director to discuss our security deposit. We were definitely not expecting to get all our money back. We had a long conversation with the guy, Joe? who told us more details of what happened. He told us that he did not want to tell us that this happened on our wedding day because he did not want to ruin it. I really respect him for doing that because if he had told me then and there I would have become bridezilla and made a nice little shaming speech. Hmmm...maybe he should have told me. Anyways, Joe then gave us back our security deposit in FULL which I couldn't believe....probably because he's the nicest guy in the world. I'll write an entry on how fabulous him and his venue are. But for now I'll continue to vent. Joe also said he won't press charges. If he did want to press charges though, I would have totally backed him up, because honestly, he had every right to.
Thinking about all that, three years later, still makes me angry. A lot of our guests saw it and said it freaked them out and because of that they left asap. What pisses me off the most about it, was that I invited him out of respect to many of my family members who are close to him and his family. I actually couldn't invite many of my own friends, because the guest list was too long. I could only invite a certain number of people, and with both our big families, me and Salar were ruthless with cutting numbers. There were so many people I wanted to invite and couldn't. If I were to have a do-over, he would have definitely NOT been invited.
You may wonder how I am related to this guest. He is my mother's father's half brother's son. Apparently their whole family is kind of wack, as I heard his brother did something REALLY bad also and wrecked a family. Ya, this guest is a girlfriend beater and his brother is a homewrecker. Like seriously, where did these people come from? I think their dad beat them when they were little or something. Maybe they grew up in a messed up home....I really don't know. Their mom is really sweet though.
Anyways, on a lighter note, here's a trip down memory lane.....
This past week I have came off my Ketogenic diet. It is probably not a good idea to be on it while pregnant, so I stopped it as soon as I found out we were expecting.
I started it in March, and have ended it mid May. During this time period I have lost 25 pounds in total. Now I shall gain it all back and then some more. Gotta love being pregnant....FML.
As I started to eat carbs after two months of not touching them, they made me feel sick to my stomach. I had a few spoons of rice and I felt like I was going to explode. I had gotten so used to not eating sugar, that when I ate a slice of cheesecake, I felt like throwing it up afterwards. Another side effect of reintroducing carbs is you get hungry far more often because of the sugar lows. The carb and sweet cravings have also come back in full force.
What I miss about my diet? I miss not getting sugar lows. I miss not craving sugar. I just miss dieting and exercising. I can still exercise but only light exercises. Now it just feels like dieting is a priviledge to me. Probably because this is the third year in a row I'm pregnant, so that's three years in a row of being unable to lose weight.
After this pregnancy I am now more determined than ever to lose weight and get back to my pre pregnancy weight.
So I have been about a week late, and I totally attributed it to my diet and all the weight I've lost. But then after two weeks of being late, I thought, ok…..I need to take the test. I definitely knew I wasn't pregnant, because we have taken measures to prevent that from happening so soon after Caspian was born. I just wanted piece of mind as if there's even a one percent chance that I am, I would need to stop drinking, stop dieting, and stop doing work outs to tone my stomach.
Then I peed on the stick and sure enough, those two lines showed up. $H!T! I thought….. How on earth did this happen??? We always knew we wanted to have a third child, but so soon?? We went out of our way to make sure it wouldn't happen this soon after Caspian was born…..and then BAM! Apparently all it takes is for me to sneeze and I'll get pregnant.
It's still early and I haven't even been to the doctors yet. I'm just slowly trying to wrap my head around this. I was just now getting used to having to care for two babies. How on earth am I going to manage three??? We will be outnumbered. How would we go anywhere? Is there such a thing as triplet strollers?
I don't want to be negative about this news though. I love babies. I love taking care of them, playing with them, cuddling with them etc. What I don't love is pregnancy. I HATE it! I can't think of anything I hate more. All those doctor visits, needles, needles and more needles. And the weight gain. I had just started to lose weight and get my confidence back. Now all that's thrown out the window. Back to blowing up like a whale. I just wish I can skip these 9 months and magically have the baby appear in my arms. A girl can dream right?
My husband isn't worried about all that though. He's more worried about my health. Is it even safe to have three cesarean sections in a row? My uterus is just now healing from the surgery I had 4 months ago. What about uterine rupture? Pelvic pains in the third trimester? Will I have to be wheel chaired around?
Just slightly freaking out. No big deal.
So because of this, I am stopping the ketogenic diet and for now will reintroduce fruit and cereal back into my diet. I will resume the diet after one year. Unless I miscarry (but hopefully that won't happen.)