Viewing posts tagged miscarriage
So the last time I wrote anything other than a "how to" post it was when I had a miscarriage, which was about a month and a half ago.
Since having the miscarriage, I've been feeling surprisingly well. Yes, having a miscarriage sucks, but no, it is not the end of your life. The weeks following the miscarriage were easier than I expected. I expected to be a mess and have postpartum issues (like turning a little psychotic, depressed, etc) but surprisingly it had the opposite effect on me. I became very excited to continue dieting and couldn't wait to start my weekly weigh-ins. The first week after the miscarriage was difficult though. Not the emotional aspect so much as the physical. I didn't feel sad but I felt exhausted! I bled for a week straight and would get dizzy every time I stood up. I was constantly tired, had headaches and was physically exhausted. For four days I slept and ate breakfast lunch and dinner in bed. I'm not going to lie- it was AWESOME having Salar do everything. I felt tired, but like I was on vacation. He would bring me room service daily and took care of the kids. I kind of loved it. Then after a week I was back to my old self.
Two weeks later both me and Salar started our Ketogenic diet again (after a month of eating carbs on the excuse that I was pregnant). During those two months of being pregnant, I gained 10 pounds. Now it's been a little over a month that I have been dieting, and I've lost everything I gained during those two months of being pregnant. We did get sick with the keto flu after about two weeks of starting this diet again. I would become dizzy, would nearly faint, and would get heart palpatations. All that went away by the third week.
I started this diet after I fully recovered from my c section in March. I weighed 204 pounds. Now I'm in my 170's! WOOHOO!!!! (Never in my life would I have thought to become ecstatic about weighing 170-something) I still have about 30 more pounds to go but I'm kind of half way to my goal weight. I'm so impatient though....I want to be skinny NOW! I can't expect to have back to back pregnancies and still look like my twenty-something self (that's what I tell myself every day).
What helps? Having no carbs in the house. I'm not sure I could do this if we had cakes and cookies around. I'm not sure I could do this diet if I were still a student or if I had to work outside the home. Being a stay at home mom makes this diet easier. I don't see junk food, therefore I don't eat junk food. I'm not sure I could survive while looking at someone eating a piece of cake. That would seriously make me cry. So I make Salar do all the grocery shopping, and he sticks to the list I give him. This is what a Costco run looks like when you're on a Keto diet:
Who knew you can lose a ton of weight while eating all that...and this.......
Earlier today I had a miscarriage. For the past week I've been non stop cramping, and spotting here and there. I didn't really think much of it. Then last night I noticed bright red blood and a few clots....so I thought, yikes, this doesn't look good. Then I did what anyone else would do....I immediately googled it. I've never had a miscarriage before, so I didn't know what to expect or what it would be like. Does it hurt? Is it supposed to make me emotionally unstable? Would I need surgery? Does the surgery hurt? Do I have to go to the hospital? Google didn't help me much. I basically just read a bunch of online mommy forums with moms complaining of the same symptoms and other moms advising them to go to the hospital. So then I just watched an episode of Tru Blood and then went to bed (did you know I'm obsessed with vampire shows? I'm such a teenager).
I woke up at 5 am to go to the bathroom this morning and noticed more blood that was bright red and more blood clots. Then I thought, ok, I'm definitely miscarrying, but I'm still tired. So I went back to bed.
Then a few hours later I woke up and noticed even more bleeding. So then we called the doctor. She said it's nothing to worry about unless the bleeding is as heavy as period blood, but that we can go to the hospital if we want. About an hour later, the bleeding increased, and I had begun to cramp really bad. Then we thought, ok, we should probably go to the hospital now.
So my mom comes over to babysit the kids and we go to Fairfax Hospital. While waiting in the ER I was in excrutiating pain. My cramps were so bad that I squeezed Salar's hand till it turned blue.
At the hospital, they put an IV in and had me pee in a cup. At this point I was bleeding heavily, and it was getting all over my blankets and gown. So gross and so messy. They took my vitals and offered me some morphine. I said no thank you to the morphine, and off I went for an ultrasound. While having an ultrasound, the technician said she couldn't tell me what she sees, and that the doctor will come talk to us about the results afterwards. They started with a regular ultrasound, and then they did a transvaginal ultrasound. It was really uncomfortable and hurt at times too. Then the doctor came, and had to do another transvaginal ultrasound because there was something they couldn't see clearly. The doctor then said that there was nothing in the uterus, and it looks like it's an early pregnancy that went wrong. He told us that there is a sac that looks like it's on it's way out.
I then was wheeled back to my room in the ER when they told me that my blood tests came back positive for pregnancy, and that my HCG level was around 480. The ER doctor then performed a cervical exam and told me that because the cervix is still closed, I could still be pregnant, and that it's a "threatened miscarriage" which meant that there was a 50% chance of it being a miscarriage.
At this point I was annoyed. The radiologist said there wasn't anything there, and the ER doctor was telling me they're not completely sure. Then they conferred with another doctor and said it's most likely a miscarriage. They told me that my body is in the process of expelling the sac, and the cramps and blood clots are the start of it. They said this will probably continue for a few days, and recommended that I see my OBGYN in a few days time so that they can confirm that the miscarriage happened with no complications.Then they took out my IV, gave me discharge paperwork and sent us off. They said to take Tylenol on a need to basis and to rest a lot.
A part of me feels like everyone was tiptoeing around the word miscarriage, like it's some sinister word that sends alarm bells off and will turn the expecting mother into a devastated weeping frenzy. All the medical professionals were really gentle and were constantly telling me how sorry they were and asking me if I was okay. The truth of it- was that I was perfectly fine. I didn't cry, or even shed a tear. Why? Maybe because it was my third pregnancy and because I already have two kids at home. Had it been my first pregnancy, maybe I would have felt a bigger loss. It probably would have been a bigger blow, and would have probably had me wondering if my body works like it's supposed to or if there's something wrong with me. Also- maybe I wasn't that affected because it was so early in the pregnancy. Had I been past the first trimester and expelled a fetus that looked like a small person I probably would have freaked out.
I can't imagine what it would have been like to have a full term baby miscarriage, and have to pick out a baby coffin. THAT would have been traumatic. But expelling some blood clots here and there didn't send me over the edge. In fact, I feel like it's a normal thing. It's a natural process. My body was simple expelling a botched embryo. Maybe it didn't have the correct chromosomes, and maybe it would have turned out severly disabled had it survived. I feel like it's kind of similar to having food poisoning. Your body is getting rid of something that isn't right and that shouldn't be there. Does what I'm saying make sense? Do you get it?
Anyways, I thought I'd share as not many people discuss miscarriage and many think it's something to be ashamed of. I feel like there's absolutely no reason to be ashamed of it and that it's a completely natural thing that sometimes happens.